梦开始的地方---毛毛's

前两天翻翻杂志，发现大版大版的菲菲的新闻……一篇04年就刊登过的有关菲菲的过去……那些童年的阴影，姐姐们的退役，妈妈的支持，没有假日的训练。烂熟于心。除了刷新的记录，一切都如从前。nothing new.媒体抓他开赛后新闻发布会都有够辛苦，但是他所说的话也如同这4年来他每次接受采访说的一样。focus on myself. promote the sport.

满耳都是菲尔普斯……一个志愿者望着电视直播里穿着泳装的美国队就激动的说是菲尔普斯,那个不可思议的天才……然后我抬头望去，明明是女子的比赛。然后低下头，继续吃饭。

也许很长一段时间内会有phelps phemonenon,phelps fever. 会有很多花花。会有很多人看见我的时候问：今年看见他了吗？会有很多人经意或不经意的说他有多么强，多么popular.

恩。我知道。

我知道。

我还知道if i try harder, pull some strings，我就可以在今年远远的看菲菲一眼。

我还知道除了过去的我，没有人会那么用心的去喜欢一个运动员。

我还知道，在菲菲拿到8块金牌的时候，我对他的感情就停止了。i couldn't and i won't go any further.

我还知道，那个买错的boston的帽子也没有了意义，ann arbor的大学也不再是我的首选，我也不会在踏上美国的土地时傻傻的对自己重复道：这里是他的国家，然后激动得不能自已。

今年的8月看起来也没有那么suck。

也许选学校的时候我还是会考虑马里兰这个地方。

 

2

what can i say? that pool, that cheer, that crowd all belong to lezak~

 

 

10:00am, august 10th, 2008.

no mustache this time; not the Fu Manchu and the Mark Spitz stuff; no messing around.

it's time to mess around the world by getting the first gold. and breaking the world record at the same time.

the transformation from prodigy to god.

and there's only one thing i can say about him.

insanely beautiful

 

so i was thinking about a question. the question that i had constantly questioned my mama; the question that i am questioning my friends ; the question that i will definitly question myself in the future: what do i really want?

boy, that's no easy question by all means.

the thing is, the answer varies from time to time. that's not all. to come up with a perfect answer, one must take the following elements into consideration: who i really am as an individual; who i really am as a part of the environment. it is only after one makes just evaluation of himeslef does he truly know what he really want. it is only after one takes stock of the situation does he truly know who he will really become.

so, what do i really want?

then it occurs to me that maybe i want a fix-up machine:someone who can fix me up everytime i collapse. i want it cuz i myself cannot serve the function; somehow i always find trouble in fixing myself up. then here comes a practical question: does the machine really exist? even if it does, the machine only fosters greater insecurity and might lead to addiction, attachment, dependence. so even if i am in great need of something, it still cannot be the thing that i really want. in another way, even if i have enough of something, it might still be the thing that i really want.

in logic terms, what i really want is not in accordance with NECESSITY, and it goes beyond the limit of SUFFICIENCE.there's no logic at all.

so i am gonna tell you what i really want. i want me to finish a book; i want me to be patient about the progress that i have been made; i want me to be who i had been and who i had wanted to be all along. what i don't want, is distractions. any form of distractions.

re-offender

Keeping up appearances
Keeping up with the Jones'
Fooling my selfish heart
Going through the motions

But I'm fooling myself
I'm fooling myself
Cause you say you love me
And then you do it again, you do it again
You say you're sorry
And then you do it again, you do it again

Everybody thinks you're well
Everybody thinks I'm ill
Watching me fall apart
Falling under your spell

But you're fooling yourself
You're fooling yourself
Cause you say you love me
And then you do it again, you do it again
You say you're sorry
And then you do it again, you do it again
And again and again and again and again

But you're fooling yourself
You're fooling yourself
Cause you say you love me
And then you do it again, you do it again
You say you're sorry
And then you do it again, you do it again
You say you love me
And then you do it again, you do it again
You say you're sorry
And then you do it again, you do it again
And again and again and again and again